Coming Home
by Silent Angel of Time
Summary: Xander has been soul searching in Africa for 2 years, he only has contact with one of the scoobies and his blossoming love for her keeps him away, until he get's a letter that she's dying, can he get to her in time to tell her exactly how he feels.1 shot


Coming Home

I came up with this while I was on vacation, I've been back from vacation but have only just now located the notebook I wrote this in...anyway it just hit me...enjoy and r&r please!

_Dear Xander, December 1st 2003_

I know when you left for your soul searching in Africa you requested that none of us try to find you, to give you time, but I had to write you. I didn't go out looking to find you, if that's what you're thinking. I accidently found you, and that's accidently like I accidently shot Miss Kitty Fantastico and not I accidently snuck out of the house when I was grounded. For my English class, I am taking English as foreign language here in Rome, we have to have a pen pal in another country to write to in English. Coincidentally my teacher assigned me an African pen pal, alright that parts a lie I requested Africa so that I could have some sort of connection to you, I miss you! As I was corresponding with my pen pal he talked about the people in his village, I learned about everyone and finally he mentioned you.

He promised to get this letter to you and I've enclosed my address, you can even use my pen pal's name and address if you don't want Buffy to know I talk to you. I hope you write back Xander, I miss you so much! I miss everything we had in Sunnydale, having all of the members of my family close. If you write back I'd keep it a secret, but if you don't I understand that too. We've all had to do our own soul searching since we left Sunnydale and I don't want to get in the way of yours.

If you respond or not I want you to remember that I love you and I want you to be happy.

All my love, always,

Dawn

  
  
April 2005

Xander Harris refolds the letter that had been read and reread dozens of times in the past two years. At first he had been resentful of the fact that Dawn had managed to find him in Africa, but after a week of thought he had given in and written his best-friend's little sister back, a correspondence that had lasted secretly for two years. Through an apocalypse or two, fights and Xander's feelings for Dawn changing drastically. Feelings that had nearly brought Xander out of a year and a half of hiding, that was until her response to Xander's question about Dawn seeming like she was hiding something and hinting at feelings for a guy.

_Dear Xander, October 12th 2004_

I was going to lie and tell you that there isn't a guy because it seems weird to talk to you about guys, but then I realized that we've talked about everything else so why hide this?

There is a guy, and there's no way I could talk to Buffy about him because there's no way Buffy would approve. He's not a vampire, I know that's what you're thinking! I know he's not a vampire, for an absolute, 100% fact. But Buffy not approving isn't my only problem. He doesn't know that I exist and in the worst way possible. Yes, there are ways that a person can not realize you exist. The first way, is your typical way, the person can look right through you and not actually see you. The second way, is the worst way, the person in question sees you but will only ever see you as a friend, and the friend part is if you're lucky.

And so I must be a friend to this person and not let him know my feelings because I don't know if I can handle his rejection.

As always,

Love,

Dawn

And for the last six months Xander had to hear all about blonde, blue-eyed Marco who lived next door, Marco who never saw Dawn as anything more than a friend. And here Xander was, unable to even recall what it felt like not to see Dawn as amazing and to love every part of her. He'd watched her grow up and there were times that he had to remind himself of that. That she'd only been a kid when he first met her, a little gangly thing that peaked around corners to spy on Buffy and her friends. He tried to remind himself that she was the little girl that he used to baby-sit with Anya.

But mostly Xander Harris had to remind himself that she was the little sister of his very strong, very over-protective best friend and that Buffy would kill Xander for even having these thoughts. But he could never get these thoughts to stick. With Dawn all he could ever think about was who she had become. How amazingly and complety beautiful she was, funny, smart and fiercely independent, and that was why Xander had never intended on leaving Africa. That was, until a letter came from Rome in a handwriting that wasn't Dawn's.

**_Dear Xander, April 20th 2005_**

You're probably wondering who I am and why I am writing to you. My name is Lauren Jacobs and I am a slayer and Dawn's best friend. Dawn's sick, she's got a virus that's put her in the hospital. Her doctors aren't sure if she's going to be able to beat this thing and today she told me how to get in contact with you and to ask if you will come to see her. Please come, I don't know how much more time she has left.

Sincerely,

Lauren Jacobs

Xander had recognized the name instantly, Dawn loved to keep Xander updated on all the goings on in Rome and Lauren's name frequented her letters. Lauren's words had frightened Xander and he had wasted no time in booking the first available flight to Rome, but the first flight wasn't for three days after the arrival of the letter. And by his best guess Dawn had already been in the hospital three weeks by the time Xander's plane finally descended in Rome.

The instant Xander slides into the cab the cab driver begins speaking to him in Italian but it takes Xander's sleep deprived brain several seconds to realize that he doesn't understand. "I'm sorry," he shakes his head, "I don't speak Italian, do you speak English?"

"Ah," the cab driver nods, "yes, I speak English."

"Thank God," Xander sighs.

"Now, where to?"

Xander stops, he has no idea what hospital Dawn is in, digging through the overnight bag he had brought alone he pulls out one of Dawn's envelopes and hands it to the driver, "do you know how to get here?"

"Yes," the driver nods, "all the drivers have been taking loads of people there, but I don't know where they've been putting them, it's not a very big house."

Xander nods as the man talks, not really listening, more concerned with why all the slayers had flocked to Rome. Praying nothing tragic had happened and regretting his decision to stay away for so long.

"You alright?" The man's questioning tone draws Xander's attention.

"Just regretting some decisions I've made."

The drive nods, "I understand that. Especially when love is involved."

"Who said anything about love?" Xander asks sharply.

"I'm sorry," the driver apologizes. "But when you've been in this job as long as I have, you learn to read people. You, my friend, have love and concern for that person written across your face."

Xander sighs, "it's that obvious."

"Oh yeah, so who is she?"

Xander sighs again, "my best friend's baby-sister."

"Whoo," the cabbie lets out a long breath. "Your best friend know?"

"Nope."

The cab driver raises an eyebrow at Xander in the rearview mirror, "does _she_ know?" Xander's silence spurs the response, "I get it."

Xander glances at his watch, "how far are we?"

"The house is just around the corner."

Xander's knee bounces nervously, morbid thoughts keep creeping into his head, each one worse than the last until the cab pulls up in front of the small house Dawn and Buffy and moved into months before. Quickly Xander tosses plenty of bills in the front seat of the taxi before dashing up the walkway.

"You came!" A girl with bright blue eyes stops Xander.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm Lauren, I wrote you."

Xander nods, "thank you. How is she? Where is she?"

"I'll take you," Lauren assures.

"Xander?" Buffy's voice rings from the door. "Oh my God, Xander." Within seconds Buffy is sobbing into Xander's chest. "She's so sick Xander...I can't...I can't help her."

Xander wraps his arms tightly around Buffy until her tears are quieter. Taking a deep breath Buffy wipes the tears off her cheeks, "what are you doing here?"

"Lauren wrote me."

Buffy looks back and forth between Xander and Lauren, "what? How? What?"

"I'll explain on the way."

"Two years?" Buffy stares at Xander.

"A little over," Xander guiltily admits as he navigates the roads to the hospital Buffy had directed him to.

"I don't know what to say...I mean..."

Xander doesn't responds because he knows that no matter what he says is going to be wrong to Buffy right now. "She's in room 314," Buffy tells Xander when they finally reach the hospital.

Xander doesn't wait for Buffy instead he hurries down the hallway to Dawn's room, and pushing her door open he can see her still form lying on the hospital bed. In two steps Xander has crossed the small, private hospital room, he takes a nervous seat at Dawn's bedside and silently, as Buffy enters the room, Xander takes her clammy hand. "What happened?"

"Everyone in the house, Dawn, Andrew, Wil, Kennedy, Lauren and I came down with a really nasty virus but while we all got better Dawn kept getting worse. He doctor thinks she has a weaker immune system than the rest of us."

"Three slayers, a powerful witch, and an Andrew, I guess that makes sense. She's going to be all right though, right?"

Buffy's eyes fill with tears again, "the doctors don't know, they say her bodies just not fighting it off well enough, and the antibiotics don't work if her body won't help."

"So there's nothing we can do?"

Buffy shakes her head, "nothing, but wait. She's stable right now, she's not getting better but she's not getting worse." Buffy takes a deep breath, "I have to patrol tonight, could you stay with her?"

"Well, I did come all the way from Africa to watch Brady Bunch reruns but I suppose since I'm here..." What Xander had intended as a joke comes out bitterly sarcastic and before she goes Buffy gives Xander a look she would give a stranger.

After a week of not sleeping the calm of Dawn's hospital room lulls Xander into an unintentional slumber, he remains in the slumped position for nearly an hour until Dawn begins tossing in her bed. As she tosses Xander can only guess that she's having fever induced nightmares, "Dawn, shh," Xander whispers gently. "It's okay, it's just a dream."

Xander gently brushes Dawn's sweat soaked hair off her forehead as her eyes flutter open, her voice is hoarse when she speaks, "you came."

"I came," Xander responds

"I dreamed you'd come, what if I'm dreaming again?"

"You're not," Xander promises.

"I don't know what to believe, it felt so real before. I can't trust myself, or what I see."

"Then trust me," Xander doesn't know what poses him, and years down the line he still won't know. Everything in his head told him that she was still Buffy's little sister and she had feelings for someone else but none of this seemed to matter in the moments before his lips touched hers. And after, when Dawn doesn't move away Xander's brain silences and gives into the kiss, it's the second their lips separate that Xander's body listens to his head and he jumps away quickly.

"God, Dawnie..I'm so sorry. I never should have kissed you...I don't know what..."

"Xander," Dawn's weak voice shuts Xander up, "I wanted you to kiss me."

"But you like Marco," Xander states dumbly, feeling like a teenaged boy again.

"No..." Dawn clears her throat, "Marco's a dog...I..."

Dawn is interrupted by a racking round of coughs, as much as he wants to continue the conversation he encourages, "get some sleep, we'll talk later."

Later didn't come until the next morning, as if put to ease by Xander's presence Dawn slept through the entire nigh for the first time in probably a month. Xander had fallen asleep in the most comfortable position possible in the stiff arm chair and he didn't wake until the next morning when Willow is hovering around him. Xander glances over at Dawn and taking notice that she's still sleeping he places a finger to his lips and follows Willow out the door.

"I missed you so much," Willow throws her arms around Xander's neck.

"I know Wil, I missed you too."

"Then why'd you stay away so darn long?"

Not having a good answer to Willow's question Xander hugs her again, "Buffy says you and Dawnie have been writing."

Xander nods, "we have been, she keeps me updated on everyone's goings on."

"Like what?" Willow asks as they walk down the hall.

"She says you and Kennedy are thinking of adopting."

Willow nods with a soft smile, "we are. The process is already started."

"I think it's great, for both of you."

Willow smiles appreciatively, "thank you. So what else has she told you?"

"She says that Buffy's got her first serious boyfriend since the Immortal and that they're all lovey-dovey and big with the smoochies."

Willow nods, "Kyan is nice and he's great for Buffy."

Xander nods, "good, Dawn likes him a lot."

"Really?" Willow asks surprised. "She keeps her distance from him."

Xander gives Willow a long look before informing, "she's afraid to get attached because she figures he'll just go away and with Buffy's history that's a fair concern."

"She's never told anyone that. Why'd she tell you?" Willow stops quickly, "I didn't mean it in a bad way, it's just..."

"I know how you meant it, calm down Wil." With Xander's words Willow does visibly relax. "Remember the Dawn Files?"

"That's what we called Dawn's diaries when she was little."

Xander nods, "I've got them, she's written everything to me."

"So then you know she's in love?" Willow asks.

Xander nods, "she's mentioned it."

"So then do you know who he, or she, is?"

Xander grins at Willow, thinking of the previous night, "I might have an idea."

Willow's eyes go wide, "who is it? Is it that junior watcher? The mini-Giles?"

"I'll let Dawn tell you, when, and if she's ready."

"Xander," Kennedy stops in front of Xander and Willow.

"Hey Kennedy," Xander greets.

"Dawn's awake, she's looking for you."

Xander smiles, "thanks Kennedy."

"Good morning," Xander greets walking back into Dawn's hospital room.

"Morning," Dawn clears her throat.

"How are you feeling?" Xander asks.

Dawn takes a sip of her water before responding, "a little better. The doctor has been by they, are putting me on stronger drugs as soon as they can get Buffy in here to sign the papers. She came in with Wil and Kennedy but one of the slayers needed stitches after last night's patrol, there's always someone in the hospital here."

"I'm sure, back in Sunnydale it seemed like one of us was always in the hospital for one reason or the other, and there's a lot more of you here."

Dawn takes a deep breath, "Xander everything I told you about Marco was..."

"A lie."

"Not completely, everything I said I felt for Marco I really, well I really, felt, well for you."

Xander sits on Dawn's bed lacing his fingers with Dawn's, "I wish she hadn't made up Marco."

"I didn't make him up," Dawn whispers, her energy obviously quickly spending on the conversation. "You can meet him, he's the yellow lab next door."

Xander laughs aloud at that, "The yellow lab next door. Just the same, if I'd know how you felt I would have come home 6 months ago."

"Really?" Dawn's eyes fill with tears.

Xander presses Dawn's knuckles to his lips, "Dawn somewhere along the way you've completely captured my heart, you're gonna have a hard time getting rid of me now."

"I don't want to get rid of you." Xander brushes Dawn's cheek before leaning into kiss Dawn again. "Oh my God, what are you going to tell Buffy?"


End file.
